What Other People Think

The other day while scrolling I noticed a picture of three women from my neighborhood. They were out celebrating a birthday with dinner and a show in the city. All of them moms of elementary and middle school peeps. They were together and they glowed. One of them has my sense of humor, her glorious pictures of smiling kids include captions like “Day 753 of Christmas Vacation”, I am sure I have written the same. Things can be wonderful and exhausting and trying all at the same time. Watching the next generation of moms is glorious, I have nothing but good will toward their energy, waists that are still waists, and tight neck skin. They seem much more confident than I ever did. It is encouraging to see confident women.

I just joined a local FB page called Fifty & Fabulous. A woman was hoping to start a book club for women over 50, the response was so overwhelming she decided there was a need for an over 50s page of connection and goodness. That’s what women do, they see a need and they create a space, it is a beautiful thing. This group already has over 400 members, it spawned a few book clubs, a lunch at a local restaurant, thoughts on visits to museums, and a general feeling of wow, isn’t it nice there are so many people on the same journey I am, I am not alone. It is nice to feel understood and to connect, even if just on social media. Someone posted an excerpt from a book called “The Courage to Be Disliked”, I felt like someone was in my head, in my soul… how did they know I needed that book that very moment. There are probably very few outings I will take with the group, life is too complicated for that now, but little gems like this book…priceless.

Alone, sometimes I feel very alone. My husband is a teacher, good teachers give 150% of themselves for 9-10 hours a day. They teach the subject they have mastered, are part therapist, and part parent. There are days he does not have a chance to pee or eat because a student shows up in his room during his “free” period and needs a connection. He never turns them away. He comes home and he is done, fried, completely spent, he needs his brain to relax and reset. I get it but after a day of taking care of others and working I crave a bit of conversation and connection.

I connect with my ladies on my morning walk. My high school bestie who is up at 5am to exercise and bake before work…my college girlies who are walking dogs or driving kids to school…my Pleasantville ladies via a never ending text chain. It is time to vent, to listen, to celebrate, to be. There is nothing more healing than a group of women supporting one another. These friendships take work, you need to be vulnerable and willing to be raw, showing your truth is brave.

Being a wedding coordinator for your son… that is brave. Trying not to step on toes, trying to give advice with out being pushy, trying to respect your place…and actually get shit done…one might say it is a no win situation. I am not really competitive person, I don’t need to win…but unfortunately I still like to be liked. So, filled with anxiety about the “mother of the groom dress” I reached out to the mother of the bride to follow her lead. To give a bit of reasoning to my anxiety…I will say she is brilliant, funny, talented, and has a rock star body, oh and she is gorgeous. My text went something like, “I am thinking I need to be me, but I don’t want to overstep my place, and I know you should pick your dress first, but I am technically a human square at this point…same in height and width, and I found some dresses online, think Stevie Nicks maxi dress but fancy material and flowy, but it is your day and your call and and and…” She wrote back the most gracious note about not wanting to be constrained and squeeze into sausage casing and wanting to be comfortable and give all the glory to her spectacular daughter…she was funny and kind and all things good, and she removed dresses from my list of things to be anxious about. Stevie Nicks it is…for now.

I was on the phone with my high school bestie telling her the story, she wanted pictures and she is one of the few I sent them too, you can only take advice from so many. We chatted about dresses and proper “uniforms” for events…and being our age but being ourselves. We discussed designers that fit our quirky needs, and at the same moment we let down all walls of shame and texted each other pictures of dresses we recently considered. Dresses we thought better of after seeing the sheer (literally) insanity of. We looked at the texts and squealed… same designer, same completely wacky and inappropriate looks. It is lovely to be able to be so myself with someone who is just as ridiculous as I am.

My daughter was asking me if she should accept an invitation to lunch with a friend who tends to cancel a lot… my opinion was yes, taking risks and being vulnerable is important, it is the only way we grow. Whether it is by starting a FB group, being honest about insecurities, showing others our wacky sense of “style”… putting ourselves out there is the only way to be true, it is the only way to learn not care about what people think.

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