Thank You Dr Ruth

Summer in Douglaston, Queens…in the 80s. We had no idea how beautiful our lives were. A day at the pool, swim team practice, maybe a diving lesson, no supervision, snack bar french fries with lots of ketchup and a “mixed drink” of every flavor of soda in the fountain, ice cream trucks, games of Spit on the front lawn, a walk to the bay, back to the Club. Maybe a swimming or diving meet thrown in, or a water ballet practice, or a Fourth of July fair, there were always distractions to keep it fresh. Home for dinner, a shower, back to the Club to hang out. Repeat.

Summer nights. Figuring out an outfit. Fishing through the bins of my grandma’s 1940s meticulously hand-beaded blouses. Formal wear for her, vintage finds for casual summer nights me. Capri white pants, a little straw hat, a vintage blouse, ridiculously huge hair, and purple lipstick. A look. Remembering this all is a great exercise, I highly recommend it.

We would congregate, just show up, no cellphones, then walk the neighborhood as a mob, carrying a huge boom box loaded with 50 pounds of batteries. When I say “we” I mean the guys, it was actually pretty chivalrous back then…they bought the beer, they carried the heavy “portable” stereo equipment, they kept us from doing the bad stuff I had no clue they were doing. Many nights we ended up at the Club where we connected the box to the tennis shop’s free electricity, batteries running out no longer a worry. Sitting around, talking, torturing each other (flirting) we learned how to be with people, no screens, no distractions…just us, and music, and then one summer, with… Dr. Ruth.

I think it was James who introduced us to Dr. Ruth. James was an amazing soul. He went through many fashion moments including leather biker…lots of experimenting and creativity. He would quietly single me out, “Muench, you like art, what about these pants?” The next minute in full boy mode with the guy crew saying some dude-like stupid thing. He was a chameleon and he knew the world was a bigger place than Douglaston.

Dr. Ruth was on the radio really late, so I am pretty sure we were all listening to a cassette recording, remembering what happened 40+ years ago is not always easy. What I do remember is the quiet. We listened while she empowered us…empowered us to ask for pleasure, refuse advances, be in charge of our bodies…she made it all 100% ok. Whether you were straight, or gay, or maybe open to anything…the message was that sex was great as long as it was bringing both parties joy. Listening to her advice as a mixed group of horny teenagers…was the best way to have sex ed…together. No judgement and everyone learning from the same source.

Sigh. My husband just told me Dr. Ruth was the age we both are now when she started her media run, she then went on to publish 40 books, lecture, and teach. When I think I am getting old I just need to look at Dr. Ruth, once again teaching me to own it, to live life, and to find the pleasure.

Thank you Dr. Ruth. What a little firecracker you are.

Photo Caption… Page from a photo album I created in the 80s, using my mom’s Canon ae-1 then printing in black and white on her enlarger. A very cool mom. Our Douglaston Crew on the Club front lawn. Me (top right) in my Sally Jessy Raphael huge red glasses after being tackled by Tim. Life was innocent, and slow, and delicious.