“The David”

I was recently reflecting with a group of friends about high school. They pictured me as a girl from a tv show, “you were the one running the student government, had the lead in the show that was fundraising for some cause…and everybody knew you.”

100% no. I was pretty quiet, my bestie was the shining star. I was an observer. While my Noel was glowing on stage with the other dancers in the exclusive D3, I was with a crew of other non stage worthy people running the tape recorder. The teacher, a 90 pound women of a certain age who insisted on wearing leotards and rolled up parachute pants would screech. “rewind, clap clap clap, go back to that part, clap clap clap, who is paying attention”, as she rushed around burning the two calorie lunch she just consumed. It was a John Hughes movie. And just like in the movies, when I was a senior…a cool new kid came on board the tape recorder crew. He was a Junior. He was tall, super cute, and he found the whole D3 thing very entertaining. He was always ready with the under the breath, perfectly timed, snarky comment about the current crazy situation…a master at seeing the ridiculous.

His name was David. 

I knew of David already. He was friends with kids from my neighborhood, he was my bestie’s…little sister’s bestie’s…big brother. I’m sure I got all the apostrophes wrong there. Apologies. 

Senior year I was photography editor of the yearbook, David was my “Junior Asssistant”, he would be editor following me. Following my footsteps…except for the fact that he was too smart and too cool to follow anyone, yet, he had a way of looking at you where you felt like he was really listening, learning, and hearing you…he was lovely.

As life goes… people go off in different directions, I went to art school where I did become an 80s teen movie stereotype and blossomed into Kat. David and his long black thrifted trench coat, awesome hair, and brilliant mind went on to study something super smart I could never explain or understand no matter how patiently he explained it. We saw each other maybe once or twice, he always had a sweet smirk and happy eyes, always interested in hearing about what was up. He somehow understood I became who I was meant to be. He got it.

Years later we were both experiencing a beautiful wedding…my brother Fred, who contains a ridiculous amount of space in my heart…was marrying David’s sister Jodi. I am pretty sure the conversation happened when we were in the East Village at a restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. Memories are blurry. I was holding my son who was showing anyone who might look his finger nail polish, it was red and orange on alternating fingers, to match the bridal party. David walked up to us, he smiled at Jacob, he smiled at me. “Can you believe after knowing each other for so long, we are now related?” Related. That is a big word, I could not be happier. Our families were so right together, and now we were one.

Many gatherings with blended family later we fell into just being comfortable. Those relatives you see when in town, history, memories, good times. He was still brilliant…a finance, history, policy smart guy with an inner creative spirit that came out in his new business ideas and cooking and collecting beautifully designed goodness. David was just always someone who was popping up in thoughts because he was so good, at so much.

David was Jodi’s Fred. Jodi and I bonded in so many ways but understanding what it was like to completely adore, respect and love our brothers…no matter how squirrelly they might be at times…was one of the reasons we became sisters, drop the in-law part. We knew what to LOVE in all caps, horn blowing emoji, tons of exclamation points…our brothers meant.

David passed away from a heart attack a few weeks ago. Sudden. He was not old. He was not done. He left behind a loving wife and two incredible kids. I heard the news and went silent. My first thought was Jodi. Oh beautiful, kind, never a bad word about anyone Jodi. I felt so guilty she was experiencing my nightmare. She would need to be the rock, she would need to care for her parents during the unthinkable. There would be nothing anyone could do to ease her pain, because the pain would be unimaginable. Life. Is. Not. Fair.

Jodi is not one to want to be the center of attention…she should be, because she is one of the most gracious, beautiful, talented, and intelligent humans I know… but it is not her thing. Jodi was now front and center, to eulogize her big brother. She was so calm, so clear, so in control. I wept watching her. I wept for her new forever. I believe in gifts from beyond, signs, moments, where a bit of goodness is passed on to those still on the earth. I am passing this one on to all of you… from Jodi, from David.

Excerpt from Jodi’s eulogy, after describing David’s love of history, learning, and travel… David taught me to always turn around. Turn around and look at the world from a different perspective. Just literally turn around. Whether you were hiking through the woods or wandering in a city, the view of everything you’ve just passed will be different in reverse. It’s so true and I have shared this with everyone I know. I just did, this past weekend. We even call it “The David”. My sons and I always say: “Don’t forget to do ‘The David’”. I hope you will all do this, and think of David when you do.

We can all learn from looking back. We always need a different perspective. Embrace and share “The David”, we will all be better for it. I dream of a day when I am walking in a city and I see a stranger turn around to see the experience they just passed, I ask them, are you doing “The David”? Yes, they say, how did you know? I will respond… because I knew him, he was a great guy.

Love to all.