The Talk…sex, breakups, marriage, divorce, Santa, sickness, jobs…so many variations. Butterflies in the belly, whether you are the giver or receiver. When someone says, hey, we need to talk…it usually falls under a wonderful, terrible, or oh my god this is so embarrassing column.
My Childhood Sex Talk Part One…I was about 11, sitting on my parent’s bed, my reflection in the huge Zenith TV. Mom had called me in, come sit, as she patted the bed. What had I done, I was in trouble for sure. Nope, it was…The Talk…so much worse than anything I could be in trouble for. My sister was 16 and since she had a boyfriend my mother assumed I too needed The Talk. I assured her I knew everything, and to my surprise she said ok, let me know if you ever have any questions. Awesome, bullet dodged.
My Childhood Sex Talk Part Two…I was 13. My binder had exploded on the bus ride home. The most delicious boy helped me collect my papers. He was one year older and completely dreamy…in a totally out of my league kind of way. Handing me a test with a 96 on it, he said, Nice, too bad it isn’t a 69 (insert a confusing wink wink nudge nudge laugh here). I knew enough to know I was not understanding the context. Soooooo I marched right home and told my mom the story. WHO SAID THAT? Naturally, I threw him under the mom bus…and without any words she drew me an understated line drawing. Two stick figures, heads in genitals, perfection. I barfed in my mouth a bit and as I turned to walk away she said… Kit Kat, tell him that you asked me what a 69 was…and tell him that I told you. Brilliant mothering on so many levels.
My Childhood Sex Talk Part Three…I was 17. Sitting with mom at the breakfast room table eating grilled cheese sandwiches while Family Feud played in the background. “Kit Kat, you know, you never…I mean never…never ever ever forget the first person you have sex with. Make sure the person is someone you want to remember…for the rest of your life.” MICROPHONE DROP…best sex talk ever. My innocent summer fling of the moment did not have a chance.
Sex Talks Part Four and Five…As a mom it is a right of passage. I knew my husband would want to speak with our son, he loves these moments. He did a brilliant job. Jacob might have been a bit young, he was disgusted by the whole description. He asked if there was ANY other way to have a baby. When in vitro was described he asked how he was created. Grossed out and disappointed at the answer he moved on to other difficult questions, like how do you get a phone in college (days of landlines), and how does the credit card company know where to send a bill. I guess he figured since he knew about sex he might as well just get ALL adulting questions over at once. Somehow my husband also gave the sex talk to our Olivia. Not understanding that it might be a moment that a woman would cherish having with their daughter…he just spilled the beans when the subject came up. Maybe the universe thought my sex talk number three was so brilliant they wanted that to be the last, who knows.
Other Talks…the Santa talk, Mom, do you believe in Santa? Response, yes, I love believing in Santa, aced it. The wedding proposal, ours was atypical for sure, nothing fancy, no great story…just us…which in the end is all that matters. The how much more time will my dad live talk…the worst. Getting no answers from my dad’s physicians, we asked a doctor friend who responded with “I would get his papers in order in the next few months”. He was spot on, that talk allowed me to plan, say goodbye, and live with no regrets.
I am one of those people who start planning Thanksgiving in late August. Haters gonna hate…I get sh*t done. We have between 17-30 people in our little home and I will say straight out, it is spectacular. It is not fancy, it is family, and everyone leaves feeling good…even if I have to kill myself to make it happen. I love it. Christmas is more about immediate family, siblings. Christmas crackers, formal dinners, themed pjs and a long day of presents, games, and cozy. Swoon.
The 2020 Holiday Talk…I have been avoiding it. If we do not speak about it maybe we can ignore the inevitable, maybe the virus will disappear, maybe drinking bleach will suddenly work (please do not consider this), maybe spiking numbers will suddenly go down, maybe science will be respected and people will listen.
I just had The Holiday Talk with my son who lives in California. The Talk consisted of half sentences, going kind of like this…
HIM: About Thanksgiving and Christmas, I want to…
ME: Maybe flying first class would…
HIM: I just don’t think…
ME: Two weeks quarantine once you arrive, maybe you could live…
HIM: I could not live knowing I…
ME: I love you to pieces, this sucks but it is the right thing.
HIM: I love you too.
He does not want to risk losing his life. He does not want to risk killing one of his loved ones. He is a responsible person. He cares about more than himself.
So it is over, we had The Talk and we have decided. We will do the selfless thing, the thing that follows science and fact, the thing that is uncomfortable. The exceptionally hard decision that completely hurts my soul. I hate it. I especially hate this when so many are just doing whatever they want because “they are done with the pandemic”. I am not sure what that statement even means. I will cry at random times. I will wake up in the middle of the night hoping this is only a dream. I will plan and arrange and create the greatest long distance holiday situation ever…I don’t know much, but that is one thing I know for sure.
Sending love and strength and swoons to all who are hurting right now.