Evidently Mother’s Day is a bit controversial. In the last few days I have seen articles and essays by some pretty vocal Mother’s Day haters.
What I have learned…Mothers are not all that; being a mom is not a career and should not define you; some moms suck; not all women can become mothers, a day celebrating moms makes some feel sad; buying chocolate and flowers once a year is an inconvenience; mothers do not raise kids alone, why only celebrate the mom; some moms have passed away, it is really hard to celebrate someone you no longer have.
Here is the thing, I agree with all of those arguments.
Here is the other thing…seriously? I really wanted to say something a bit harsher but thought better of it. I’m still on the fence about my decision.
When I was little little and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my response was “a mom”…a don’t think just answer, answer. This want lead to a lot of anxiety after overhearing a phone conversation my mom was on. It seemed that not everyone who wanted to be a mom could be one. Mind blown and the anxiety about not being able to have kids clock started. I think I was like ten. My heart and every bit of my soul goes out to people who wanted kids and it did not work out for them. Most of these women are the best Aunties, Stepmoms, and advocates for children that I know. They have fur babies, they volunteer, and they help raise the children of others with grace. I applaud them, I thank them, and I do not think they want to cancel Mother’s Day.
Newsflash…some moms do really suck. Being a mom is insanely hard. I cherish it and it exhausts me. I have moments of being a really good mom and moments I beg for forgiveness at the harm I have done. Like weight loss, where there are 30,000 methods and only 1 or 2 might work with ones brain and body type…there are millions of ways to mess up a kid…and one needs to remember that what works with one human might be the worst thing for the next. It is endless worry, problem solving, and as my mom sad recently…it never every ends. Whether your kid is 2 or 62, your kid is your kid. A career with no retirement date…forever.
I am blessed to still have my mom and mother-in-law on this earth, I will celebrate them. I am surrounded by a glorious group of women who did not give birth but who give 110% of themselves to the children in their lives, I will celebrate them. I will celebrate the women in my life who have passed away too soon with a toast, a tear, and a smile.
I admit, I do expect some token of appreciation from the humans I created. They spent months inside my body dancing on my bladder…send me a card. I don’t give a hoot if it is called a Hallmark holiday…there is also a National Orange Juice Day (May 4th), I saw no nasty essays about the Orange Juice Lobby. It will be interesting to see what happens in the weeks leading up to Father’s Day. My guess is there will not be one OpEd article calling out the injustices of that “holiday”…just dads with golf clubs, fishing rods, and new bottles of bourbon, taking the day off to relax and be appreciated.
Reach out to that woman who made you a better person, write them a note, kiss their cheek, or kiss the sky. Celebrating others is fun if you let it be.
…and to all the wonderful mommies, aunties, babysitters, stepmoms, grandmas, girlfriends out there… Happy Mother’s Day. It takes a village. I applaud you and appreciate you. Swoon.
4 thoughts on “It’s Kinda Funny”
Happy Mother’s Day…and to your Mom also 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Another perspective for you.
I used to celebrate Mother’s Day, in part because my mom would go absolutely raging ballistic if I didn’t. However, this year will be the first time in my life that I don’t celebrate it, because – like my two younger siblings – I’ve finally cut her out of my life.
Why? My mom is a serial abuser and an acute alcoholic. She physically, mentally, and emotionally abused all three of us kids and the several spouses that she’s had over the past many decades. She tried to literally kill me with a cast iron skillet once, but I was able to prevent her from doing so on that occasion; had I been younger and physically smaller, she would have been successful and probably wouldn’t have regretted doing it. The physical abuse was so bad after I left for college that my younger sister had to be hospitalized, but Child Protective Services didn’t exist back then – otherwise we would’ve been taken away from her and become wards of the state.
Now – as she rapidly approaches her twilight years – she wants reconciliation with all three of us, yet refuses to acknowledge the things that she has done in the past and the things that she continues to do to this day… in her mind, she has never done anything bad at all and we’re monsters for saying otherwise.
As for me, I’ve finally achieved the piece of mind that I’ve craved for years – if anything, I’ll celebrate not having her in my life anymore.
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry your experience was toxic and I applaud your strength in getting her out of your life. Cheers to your first year of celebrating you. I hope you enjoy your peace and I hope you stay strong. You deserve it.
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Happy Mother’s Day my Friend!
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