Spin and swirl…preparing for gatherings, visits, holidays…fun spins. Singing, cooking, decorating, working, buying the perfect little something for someone special, baking, moving furniture…spectacular spins.

Then it’s over…and the backward, uncomfortable and wobbly, what do I do now spin begins. It is dark. I never know if it will last a day or a month. I am off, a bit blue…it just is…it will end when ends. I try and find joy in the holiday cards and the plans ahead, but I know to just go on with life…and wait.

Growing up we had crazy high ceilings which meant a ridiculously tall tree covered in grandma’s “good” ornaments (swoon), some 70s plastic prism ornaments (hung low as bait for the cats to play, but not break), and plenty of homemade God’s eyes, glitter doves, and painted playdoh painted beauties. A mishmosh. Martha Stewart would have hated it, we loved it, perfection is overrated. Rumor is staff at Martha used to get an extra tree or two…and then with a saw, glue, and twine…make the “perfect” tree by adding branches. Insert eye roll here, I think they completely missed the point of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

We have taken the idea of a mishmosh tree a bit further in our love of quirky…as represented in this cluster of goodness…a COVID-19 (virus? cell? what are they called?), a pussy hat egg, hand-painted fun done with Girl Scouts, a felted robot (purchased), a felted flamingo (made), an action figure with a missing head turned into a gift to dad (perfection), a duck missing one flipper from Grandma and Grandpa, a wooden Dorothy purchased at a sample sale in the toy district for my first tree, and a favorite from my sister-in-law many moons ago…Judy Garland, get it, garland on the tree. Immediately memories of 15 girls giggling doing crafts on my porch, tree-trimming parties, relatives, and neighbors with more creativity than should be allowed in one body come to mind. My brain explodes with joy and longing…the switch is flipped.

I am spinning in the right direction again. My little guy and I danced to the Elf soundtrack this morning…the dog sported her Rudolph sweater making kids smile on their walk to school…I took deep breaths, the smell of snow in the air, smiling the whole way home.

I think this is less of a swoon and more of a public service announcement…and a reminder to myself. The gloriously beautiful family pictures, the perfect trees, the menorahs with smiling kids lighting candles…they are blips…when the spin stops long enough to get the shot…the crazy is not recorded. The spin into darkness so many feel this time of year (hello, winter solstice, the reason for all these bells and whistles) is real, and I think most of us feel it.

Here is a bit of love to those in a dark spin and a reminder to those in a swirly spin to enjoy every moment…you never know how long it will last.

Wishing you peace where ever you are.