I hung out with my dad yesterday, just long enough for him to make me feel better. It’s been a while so it was super comforting, especially during the current situation. My dad died in 2004, but he has been visiting us (in the form of a cardinal) since the spring after he passed. That’s a story for another time, yesterday he came by to give me a love since have been stressing out, trying to keep my family near and far safe. I think he wanted to say… Kat, you can only do the best you can do.
My dad had lung cancer. We knew he was going to die so we had the gift of expressing our thoughts. In one of our final conversations he said, “We did the best we could”. I think my parents were normal, awesome, flawed, and spectacular. His statement was a gift. We can only do our best, and if that isn’t perfect…it is good enough.
The great thing about everyone doing their best… is that we all have different bests. If we all share our gifts, our bests…and let others do theirs, we have a pretty beautiful world. I am thankful for those giving us their gifts… providing food, medical treatments, vaccination research, art, music, and most importantly, emergency response to those in need. I am in swoon of the hospitals I design for, getting material out to the masses at record speed, keeping people informed and safe.
May we all do the best we can, and then some, to get through this hard time. Remember to watch for pennies from heaven, pink clouds, and cardinals… we have our loved ones watching over us… and that is about as big a swoon as one could ever get.
I wrote this swoon more than two years ago as I was driving across thecountry with my son… to his new life in California. We called it “the very belated maternity leave road trip”. I highly suggest a road trip across the country at some point in your life, probably now is not the best time… but someday. I post this now because we are living in the unknown, we are scared, we want to be closer to family, we are missing our freedom to do as we wish.I am in no way saying my story is the same the hardships you are experiencing, I am just pointing out that sometimes there is some good in the unknown.
October 2018: I was a pretty anxious kid… on the inside… outside I seemed to have it all figured out. A “what if” worrier. What if we are late, what if there is nobody I know, what if everyone else has jeans and I have a skirt kind of thing. I was also a complete unorganized slob, and a wait til the last minute to study/homework person, which does not exactly help ones nerves.
Freshmen year of college I realized that organization, time management, and healthier choices helped my nervous nature a lot. I still get nervous… but bad things have happen and I have survived. My dear dad died, I had a precancerous tumor, my business partner and I split, friends got ill, kids had difficulties, Greg went back to school. Life could not be predicted, and life would not be perfect, life just went on.
A few years ago, when nervous, I started saying to myself “it will all work out”, and I have learned, it does. It might not be perfect, but it works out… and sometimes a happy moment arrives because something else was missed.
Omg why this story… because getting in the car at the start if this cross country adventure, out of the blue my 22 year old looks at me and says “you know what my life philosophy is…IT ALL WORKS OUT. I realized it in school, running the haunted house at MICA, and having my own apartment…it just all works out”.
Yesterday, we travel a little out of the way to eat at a frontier restaurant we had researched. The first saloon in Colorado, a real experience with real food. We walk up to this amazing building, the entrance was a huge iron gate, a gate with a sign taped on it that said… Closed for lunch only, Monday October 15th. Come again.
Tired from many days of driving, disappointed at our miss of a one time thing… we drove on. Moods improving while traveling through endless mountains, listening to great music, and arriving at Arches National Park before dusk. No lines of cars, no exhaust fumes, no entrance fee. Driving the loop, not a care in the world, it was joyous. Ending up at “the windows” at the most amazing light of the day… the golden hour… empty, quiet, perfection.
It all worked out.
Two years later… I am happy to say… his California adventure is still all working out.
Things are yucky. There are countries closed and people stuck far from their homes. There are people sick, who will never recover. There are shortages of essential supplies for healthcare workers. There are not enough beds in hospitals. There is anxiety. There are jobs lost, businesses closed, people who will suffer. There are parties cancelled, plays closed, celebrations shut down. Things are yucky.
As those that can (or will) start a stay home for a few weeks there is a sadness, and anger, and why me, why my kid, why why. I am not a preacher (well, I try not to be but I see how that might be an amusing statement). I do think we can acknowledge that this is HORRIFIC… but sitting in gloom waiting to be sick or lose a loved one (or waiting to gloat because not THAT many people died) does no good.
We can keep on living. I remember days when my kids played sports and there was a rain day. No sports, we all rejoiced. Same with snow days, we had fun doing inside stuff. When people come back from vacations they say we did nothing… we sat around the house and cooked together, played games, and read books at the beach…let’s go there. Let’s go to the place where we take this time to enjoy all the things we never get to do.
Here is the list I sent my community. You are also now my community so I hope you join in the art project… there will be daily prompts. Skill not required, just go for it.
Activities and to dos for this yucky situation…
Join the Community Art Project (in this case the community is the world…all invited, all ages, all abilities) – instructions at the bottom
Church in your pjs: Facebook Worship Service at Pleasantville Presbyterian Church facebook page live at 10am today Live streaming.
Read… a book. Give yourself a challenge and read a real book. The Pleasantville Book store is delivering! Maybe your local shops are too, or you could do curbside pickup.
Call your local restaurants and buy gift certificates or make donations… they need us right now. When our local toy store closed because of amazon there was much mourning. Donate to your favorite local shops or get gift cards now. Let’s keep them alive. We will be happier in the long run.
Play a board game… then make a time to play that game everyday, see how you improve. Keep tabs and get the excitement going. Keep a running log of the winners money in Monopoly, points in backgammon, gin, and scrabble. Teach your kids crazy eights, spit… things from our childhood.
Bake… then enjoy your treat every night
Visit art museums: just google art museum tours online and a crazy amount of links come up
Work on wellbeing and spirituality learn how to make a mandala with April… connect.faith
Garden… do a backyard clean up, make it a scavenger hunt, order some native plants on line to plant in the spring
Keep a COVID19 Journal… daily entries in the morning and evening… it will be a cherished keepsake of the crazy.
Consider Jackbox TV games… We play with our “kids” and I have to admit it is hysterical.
Go through photos online or in albums… Share stories. Scan hard copies. Kids LOVE this.
Have a FaceTime or Zoom party or gathering… Dance party, game night, family chat. We had a family hang out with our west coast peoples and it was really calming. We did nothing, just were in the same “space”.
Take a daily picture of your toilet paper stack… how long does it take to go down?
Community Art Project Instructions… Take a piece of paper, 8.5 x 11 or smaller, in any medium, pencil, paint, collage… create! 3/15 prompt: draw a self portrait of how you are feeling today. Abstract art is great! This is not a contest. All comfort levels and abilities are perfect. Do you feel like a rock, a little bear hibernating, a beautiful flower about to bloom in a new world, go for it. Draw you, your feelings and feel free to post below AND please save it in a folder for mailing or delivering later.
Loves to all… stay home, make the most of a terrible situation. And yes, it is terrible. We have all felt the economic hardships personally or a degree away. Some have family stuck in Europe. Some have relatives living the nightmare in Italy. Some are sick. We are all anxious.
Sitting and being anxious will not help. Creating, playing, connecting will.
There are planners and there are waiters. There are doers and there are watchers. There are those who have always washed their hands, and others who are just learning this trick. There are leaders and there are those that do not take responsibility.
I am so disappointed in those that are the second half of every one of those statements. You have gotten away with this behavior your whole lives, now it is time to cut it out.
This is not political. This is human nature.
If you are sick… stay home. I don’t give a hoot how strong you are or how “not too bad” you feel. Stay home. Think of others.
If you have the ability to shop and hoard… share with your neighbors, ask if they need anything, give to a food bank or a church. Think of others.
If you are a planner and a doer… help people with less executive functioning skills understand the issues… share articles, help cancel trips, send them lists of things that should be addressed. Think of others.
If you are a business owner… protect your employees. Emergency workers and health care workers took an oath (bless their souls) to put their lives on the line if needed. Cashiers did not. If you can not close, keep your employees safe… give them gloves, wipes, masks, and have them drink a lot of water. If you can sell these items to the public for profit, you can give it to your employees. If you are making a killing selling soap and groceries give your employees who show up a raise. Think of others.
If you are a leader… lead. Admit that the future is unknown and that being safe is always a better than people losing their lives. Leaders stop these stoic ridiculous press conferences where you make slippery statements…make the safe choices and do not pass your job onto those below you. Think of others.
Stay home if you can. FaceTime, watch movies, create something, sleep. Stay home. If you literally can not stay home because of work or uncontrollable needs… then wash your hands with soap… every time you enter from the outside, before and after you eat, before and after you use the bathroom… this should not be rocket science but it clearly is to some. WASH YOUR HANDS with soap. Think of others.
Feel free to laugh at those “overreacting”, if feeling superior floats your boat go for it. We might be wrong, we might be overreacting… but we also might be saving your life, or the life of someone you love. I am thinking of you.
Sometimes enjoying things on your own is a good thing. Take this time to create, organize, and think.
My first Fran was one of the most gracious woman ever. She could hug like no other. She was an amazing business woman, mom, wife, host, and friend…her laugh was infectious. She was a person you could count on, the first words out of her mouth were always, what can I do. She raised three beautiful daughters that have the manners of those born of a different era. Walking into her house meant being welcomed with open arms and shown to the living room, where you were offered a fresh shaken cocktail. Fran did the hospitality badge with our Girl Scout Troop. She taught them how to make canapés and drinks, to serve and make conversation, 16 tween girls…she was a saint. Fran passed away to soon. Fran was magic.
My second Fran is one of the strongest women to walk the face of the earth. Fran has beaten multiple strains of cancer. She is more educated about treatments and procedures than most doctors, and spends much time researching new developments for her current battle. Fran never complains, she never gives up, she is positive, she shares her knowledge with others in need, and is both spirited and sassy. She is always there for her family, friends, clients… and for those fighting the cancer fight. Fran is magic.
My third Fran is a dear friend from college. I used to think he was scary…he is just deeper than anyone I have ever known. He married my besties little sister and that made me swoon. He is a crazy talented filmmaker and writer, and a beyond brilliant musician who makes his own musical instruments. He creates costumes and sets for his kids plays, a dad who really knows his kids. He does all of this in his spare time when not at his job. A true artist. Fran has been through a lot, he rolls up his sleeves and moves on. He is steadfast, a friend through thick and thin. Fran is magic.
My three Frans.
My first Fran’s memorial card… give it a try…swoon.
I was recently told “girl, you have a lot of words, you win”. My gut tells me this was not a compliment (I have a very intuitive and well fed gut). I am sure I have deserved that statement many many times, this time, not so much, but it is what it is.
To be fair, I do have a lot of words… and sometimes my edit button does not work. I have insulted the Pope, I have unintentionally made people feel stupid, I have called out a volunteer for doing something uncaring (it was what she was told to do). A lot of words. (imagine cringe emoji here)
In discussions… I make points, then I rephrase points, then I illustrate them with quotes and articles. It is not about winning (I cheat at games a regular basis to lose or have everyone come out even… which aggravates my family to no end), it is about trying to be clear. I can see how this is exhausting. The truth is I am just trying to figure out and explain what is in my head. Note: inside my head is a never ending loop of… images, plans, to dos, ideas, articles, lists, conversations, show tunes, quotes, podcasts, art, you name it… coming to view at a very high speed at once. It is kind of overwhelming.
In trying to have a more positive presence in this world and avoid disagreements that are loops to nowhere, I have begun to reach out and talk to people one on one. To discuss positive traits rather than harp on the negative points that are usually so much easier to discuss. To give and receive positive energy. There is more listening, learning, and appreciating… because being good listeners does not mean our words don’t count, it just means we have more words to choose from.
Maybe someday someone will tell me… girl, you are the best listener… until then I can keep trying.
Given to me by my man… who is the last person on earth I would expect to be sharing this kind of thing. He can surprise me and make me think even after being together for 34 years. Swoon.
I was cleaning out the medicine drawer the other day. Expired stuff, random bandaids (with that weird bandaid thing happening, open a bit and curled at the edges), miscellaneous pills out of their bottles, a mess. I assume others have these drawers, if not, they are yucky and need a good clean out every once in a while.
As I was purging, I found a bunch of homeopathic zinc cough drops, loose in the back of the drawer. I tossed them, they were individually wrapped but a bit soft from being out of their bag. Gross.
People who lived through wars, depressions, poverty… people with these histories do not throw out cough drops that are a bit soft, or bandaids whose wrappers are a bit grungy. They save everything. They use every drop. They repurpose everything. Tins become vehicles for growing herbs, yogurt containers are repurposed for homemade soup, gift ribbon collected for reuse. Smart.
I grew up hearing about my great grandma. During the Armenian Genocide she would tell her kids she was not hungry (she was), giving them her one piece of bread that she had saved all day. My mom telling me about making soap, and the food rations in WWII. My in-laws telling me about receiving used coloring books for Christmas, and eating lard sandwiches with a sprinkle of sugar (I can only think of a Twinkie when imagine this). I have watched my father-in-law scraping all remains of food from pans… as one of 17 kids on a South Dakota farm in the 30s…nothing was ever wasted. Sigh, I listen to the stories, but somehow do not learn.
Reading through tips for this lovely virus floating around, I read one report that zinc drops are helpful. The theory is, using them in crowds is a preventative tool, because they stop the virus from wanting to enter the nose or throat. Who knows, but it certainly can’t hurt.
Maybe a pandemic will teach me to be a little more thoughtful with the bounties before me. Zinc drops, sigh, I had them right in my little hands.
Image from the wonderful web… thank you to the photographer. Maybe I should start drinking tea.
I vote. Primaries I tend to vote with my heart. Elections I vote with my head.
The last few years in politics have been very upsetting and divisive. Family is broken apart. Friends are no longer friends. It really is yucky. My family tends to be on a similar page (or at least in the same book) so holidays have not been broken, other families have not seen relatives in years. Too much name calling too much hurt. I have been no better in my strong feelings, but I am trying to soften and look for a better way, this battle of wills is not working for anyone.
The other day I became FB friends with a conservative man from the upper midwest, he is a friend of a friend and we had a little back and forth on social media. We listened to each other, and even with some snark, we connected. He asked me to be “friends”, I hesitated because I really didn’t know what to expect, then I said what the hell. We are now connected. He has gone through my feed and “liked” certain posts, showing me which things we have in common. He is a veteran of the Vietnam war, a Sentry Dog Handler, and he misses his military dog to this day, swoon. We have very different beliefs on certain matters… but his dedication to his animal, beautiful. My new friend.
Yesterday I made the mistake of commenting on a political FB post. My point was that during the primaries… promoting the positive aspects of a politician might be more helpful than bashing the politician they are running against. It did not go over well.
Do you like the laughing emoji? I find people use it less for laughing at something funny than they do for saying… I find you stupid and beneath me.
Anyway, this primary season has left many raw. First picks are out (mine is), people don’t like the “other” and can only see the negative. It seems no matter what horrendous thing is happening in the world our divisions are stronger than our ability to band together. That is sad, we all lose.
My kids will be living in this world long after I will… so I have decided to vote for the person they are backing. I figure since I helped get them into this mess, the least I can do is help get them out of it… the way they see fit. I hope young people get out an vote this election, sadly, it seems they are not as likely to go to the polls, no matter how much they promote a candidate.
There is so much that can be done by listening, being positive, making connections outside of our boxes, and giving the younger generation a few nudges to act on their dreams. Do you (or your kids) and vote.
Our first pregnancy was met with lots of excitement. The first in my family to have a child, the next generation, it was electric.
So much chatter with friends, family, strangers… are you finding out the sex (no, we don’t care), where are you getting maternity clothes (I plan on avoiding that), baby advice (please stop, you are scaring me)… and inquiries about name choices.
We were young and pretty naive, so naive that we actually shared our baby name choices. “That is a fat girl’s name” “Make sure it’s not a hooker name” “Can she be president with that name?” (Sadly, this country is still not ready for a female President, no matter what her name is, but that’s a different post)
Here is some advice for those picking baby names… shhhh, zip your mouths. Everyone has an opinion when you are pregnant, and those opinions are usually negative. Once you have the baby people are less likely to say “Zuzu is my old girlfriend’s name, I still hate her”.
The real ask came from my dad. My dad was pretty chill, he didn’t ask for much. When I said it might be Lily Rose if a girl… he replied “Please don’t.”
No explanation, just don’t. Who the hell was Lily? Some detective work revealed she was my great uncle’s wife… and she was terrible. Terrible enough that no child should ever be named Lily. Wow. We let that one go.
Jacob Frederick Muench Nemec was born. All the worry about fat, slutty, non professional female names… for nothing. He was a boy and evidently boys can be named anything! They can also have two middle names in case your brother doesn’t have sons, then you could always drop the Nemec and still carry on the Muench family name (note, only one of us liked this plan).
Chatting around the breakfast table yesterday Jacob mentioned that since there are hundreds of Nemec relatives, he is entertaining the idea that his kids might have their mom’s last name. Swoon, score, swoon on raising a son that understands that a woman might want to carry on their family name. Then conversation somehow ended up back with Great Aunt Lilly. Mom, why was Lilly so terrible? What did she do? Her response… a long head shake and an “ohhhh Lilly, she was really baaaaad.”
You might want to sit down…
Lilly was 10 years OLDER than Great Uncle John
Lilly was after his money (he evidently was a famous butcher on Long Island… I love this new family fun fact)
Lilly ice skated
Lilly wore short skirts (when she ice skated)
Lilly delivered gifts in paper bags with no cards and delivered them by saying “here”
Lilly didn’t invite people over for visits or fall in line with the sisters
Lilly was barren (probably due to ice skating and her ancient age)
My guess is her refusal to embrace the clan was looked at as snobbery. Her loss: both of my parents’ families were loving, partying, inviting, and gracious groups (when they weren’t judging barren women).
There are so many good family stories out there, this one ended up a lot less dramatic then I had ever imagined, but it brought closure to an old question. Generations, sitting around talking, learning, sharing… it is so important, it is so good. Finding out that my son would support his love’s desire to carry on her family name… sigh… no humble pie at this particular meal.
Left to right: May (my grandma), Katharine (my great grandma, who I am named after), Great Uncle Bill, Frederick (my grandpa, crouching in front), Lilly (the ice skater) holding my dad Frederick, Uncle Bill (young boy in front of my dad and one of my favorite people ever), Great Uncle John (the best butcher on Long Island), Great Aunt Carrie (holding the handkerchief, who gave us the Horn & Hardart tokens), and Great Aunt Florie (Great Uncle Bill’s wife). While writing this, my mother just dropped the bomb that my grandma’s name was not actually May, it was Anna Marie… the things you learn on a Sunday afternoon.
Some of my favorite bonding moments with my “other mom” Evie are over her “old stuff”. When visiting, I will pick up tinware from the 30s, a potato masher from the 40s, games from the 70s, and Tupperware from the beginning of Tupperware. She will witness my glee and giggle (as gals do… yes, she is still a gal in her higher 80s), put her arm around me, give me a squeeze, saying “you sure do like old stuff don’t you”. Delivered in her Fargo lite SD accent (note all the o sounds in there) it is delicious.
Early in my visits to Iowa (age 19) I swooned over their mitten box. It was a cylindrical container, large enough for mittens for 5 kids. It was previously a potato chip package and had brilliant typography. It sat in the hall closet, it was spectacular. I of course gushed over its beauty…swooning before swooning… and hearing me from the kitchen Evie said something like what box are you talking about? She came around the bend to see me admiring the old potato chip container, she cracked up, who on earth would love that old box? Well I did, and she remembered it. Years later I received that very potato chip packaging as one of my Christmas gifts. It is cherished to this day, right on the shelf in my bedroom, holding my scarves.
As I walked my guy to school recently I noted a bright and groovy shirt box from the 70s… out for bulk pick up. I was so disciplined and walked right past it. It was misty rain. It was a box. I need no more old stuff. On the way home, I thought of Evie. I thought of my potato chip packaging… and I removed that 70s box from the trash…saving it from a wet and ugly death. It dried out and I am thrilled to pieces with my save. It currently sits on a shelf in my studio next to a Coca-Cola crate from when coke was sold in bottles.
As it turns out, my old floral box was from “The Variety Shop” in Pleasantville, way before my time here. I asked about it on the Village’s historic FB page, the responses and comments were so happy, so positive, so delightful. Memories. Memories created from old stuff. Swoon.
Swooning 